Usually when conversations come up with the same theme over and over again, I take notice. Particularly when the theme seems to be a another candle lit on the path for a journey I have been on for quite some time. Perhaps the attention that I have given intimacy issues over the years makes me acutely aware these things in my daily conversation… never the less… I feel that this is another place to stop and examine the scenery in regards to relationships and intimacy.
This is particularly in regards to a mans approach to women in relationships. It’s become increasingly obvious to me that behaviors that come naturally for men in relationships, will not sustain intimacy on their own for the long haul. Hence, when a woman comes into my office after 2 or 22 years of marriage, and proceeds to tell me that she has nothing left to give to the relationship, it is no surprised that the husband enters into the dialogue with a look of confusion, and an over all sense of helplessness as to how things got to be this way, or even how to begin applying a remedy that will last beyond a week.
She has been doing what comes natural to her: nurture and pour into others until the well is dry.
He has been doing what comes natural to him: giving in response to how his needs are being met, and then resting when all is well.
Such a claim either gets agreement (usually from the emotionally drained wife), confusion (from the husband who hasn’t been shown another way), or anger (from the husband who feels that if she ain’t gonna give her share of the love, then why should he?)
There is no question that a ‘new’ paradigm needs to be introduced into the male culture of our society… and if you have spent time with me discussing this issue, you know that I put a bulk of the weight of this load of intimacy into the hands of the man.
Within this context… I believe that I am on to something… but before we go there, I need your assistance, particularly from the ladies (men, just sit back and see what happens).
Ladies… I need your feed back, and it should be pretty simple. Only a minute or two of your time to answer a question:
Would you rather be ‘rescued’?… or ‘pursued’?
Why?
I am going to explore what each of these mean in a later post… but for now, I’d like to get just an initial reaction to these two things.
Appreciate you and your thoughts…
Quiet Rhythms 